People always say that summer is a fun time. I am ambivalent about the advantages of summer. On the one hand I find I have time to read outside, do a lot of gardening but I also get bogged down with family and visitors. The grandchildren are visiting now from Europe and I enjoy their company. But it also means that I have less time to dream and write.
Women as a rule are dragged into things they may not want to do and I have found that I have to deliberately lay down some time for myself without sounding too selfish. Stop right there woman! “Selfish?” Why do I use that adjective to describe any time that I want to spend for myself? Is it because my community, my history, my culture tells me that I should be always ready to give, give , give? And the moment I say, ” Sorry I cannot babysit this weekend, since I have something else going on.” why do I feel a twinge of guilt ?
Over the years, it has been easier and easier to be assertive about my needs and not feel bad about it. My children are getting more sensitive about my space and my time and always ask me if I am free to take care of their children, run any errands for them. Even my husband is getting to see the light and does not invite friends without checking with me or saying,” We can take them out, you don’t have to cook this time.”
It did not come overnight, but I had to state what I wanted. And in summer especially, when everyone is outside and the city is crowded with outside visitors I am trying not to grit my teeth and wait for the cooler months and quiet time. I am trying to pace myself and enjoy all the extra running around. I am thinking of taking the grandchildren to the zoo, museum, spend time teaching them math, English and geography and have fun doing all this.
I also have to be honest about my writing. Even if I am alone and have all the time in the world, I find excuses not to write! I would rather curl up with a book than sit down and do the hard work of finishing half- written novels and short stories. So meanwhile, let me relax and do other activities and still discipline myself to write a little and not blame summer for my inertia.
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